


Conversation 16

by edema_ruh



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Possession, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confinement, Crying, Drift Side Effects, Drifting with a Kaiju Brain, Electroconvulsive Therapy, Gen, Guilt, Guilty Newton Geiszler, Heavy Angst, Hurt Newton Geiszler, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Non-Consensual Electroconvulsive Therapy, Possession, Post-Movie: Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), Seizures, Temporary Amnesia, The Drift (Pacific Rim), This can be read as either Gen or Pre-relationship suit yourself, Worried Hermann Gottlieb, lots and lots of crying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-14 19:16:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14142765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edema_ruh/pseuds/edema_ruh
Summary: Hermann Gottlieb is the only one willing to help Newton Geiszler become himself again after the events of Uprising. Through a series of sessions, he gives Newton the strength he lacks to fight the Precursors' grasp on his mind.“Humans are so pathetic and predictable”, he commented, the indifference in Newton’s tone making Hermann’s skin crawl. “Maybe I just like to see you beg. Maybe I just want to see you all get on your knees and beg for me to let go of this weak, ridiculous vessel. Or maybe I just want to watch you all try and fail to save what’s left of him while I continue to destroy his body and mind”, he grinned.





	1. Chapter 1

He marches down the empty hall by himself, pretending that the sick echoing of his cane against the floor doesn’t make him feel even sicker than he already is. His palms are sweaty and there is a permanent grumpy look on his face now, even more present that it had ever been in his life. He remembers a time when Newton was the sole responsible for the displeased look on his face, but for simpler, funnier reasons, like leaving kaiju parts spread all over the lab or singing annoying songs at the top of his lungs while Hermann tried to work. Now when he thinks about Newton, all he can feel is anxiety, and the grumpiness on his face feels pretty justified. He halts his limped march to a stop as soon as he reaches the door of the containment room, staring at it as if it had personally offended him. He has to take his time before he musters the courage to open it.

He hasn’t seen or spoken to Newton ever since the Japan incident. The last he’d seen of him, the man had his hands around his throat, choking the life out of him without hesitation before running away. He shivers upon the memory of Newton’s eyes as he pressed down against his throat, so full of a raw rage and a venom that were never present in the real Newton’s – his Newton – eyes. He wonders if this is the look that will meet him when he opens the door. Taking a deep breath to recompose and shaking his head in a foolish attempt to rid himself of the unpleasant memories, Hermann pressed his badge to the door’s lock and it opened with a click. He twisted the knob and entered the room, which was mostly dark.

Newton was sitting in a chair at the center of the room, with both of his wrists contained. He was slumped against the chair and his head was hanging low, chin glued to his chest. He was apparently asleep, but Hermann wouldn’t start making assumptions just now. He walked further into the room until he was standing at a safe distance from Newton, and just the thought of _having to be at a safe distance from Newton_ make something ugly squeeze his chest. The Newton he knew – the Newton he had drifted with – was harmless. He would never, ever hurt anyone, let alone Hermann, but the purple bruises around his throat told a different story.

This wasn’t the Newton he knew. Hermann wasn’t really sure who this was, but this wasn’t _his Newton_.

He spends a long time staring at the form of his friend, unable to tell if that is Newton, a _part_ of Newton, or just something using his body as a vessel. He knew that the atrocities the Precursors had committed using Newton’s body weren’t Newton’s own conscious actions, but where did their influence in Newton’s mind begin and Newton’s own thoughts and ideas ended? Could he really be separated and saved from the virus that had infected his mind? Could his consciousness be restored to that which had once belonged to the old Newton’s, or was he forever compromised and beyond repair? Could Hermann _save him_?

“I know what you’re thinking”, Newton – or rather, Newton’s voice – said. Hermann startled, despite of himself: he hadn’t been expecting Newton – or the creature in control of Newton – to speak unaddressed. There was a type of malice in his voice that made Hermann immediately sure that this wasn’t Newton speaking. The creature lifted his head and stared up at Hermann with a sickening smirk.

Seeing his friend like that hurt. He had been brought back to the base a couple of days before, but the effect of the constant drifting with the kaiju brain, added to the days of incarceration and the clearly toxic control the Precursors had on his mind were clearly taking their toll on Newton’s body. His face was pale and there were dark shadows beneath his red-rimmed eyes; and the disheveled, greasy appearance of his hair added to the thin layer of cold sweat covering his brow made him look sicker than Hermann had ever seen him. He remembered one time, back in the days they worked together, when Newton showed up at the lab while running a fever. The stupid, stubborn man had refused to leave despite of Hermann’s insistence, and ended up falling asleep on his table, forehead gluing to several sheets of paper that he had been analyzing. Hermann had carefully placed a jacket around Newton’s shoulders, knowing very well that he wouldn’t be able to carry the man back all the way back to his dorm, not even if he wanted to. Not even in that occasion had Newton looked so utterly unhealthy, and seeing him like that only served to break Hermann’s already aching heart a little bit more. He should have kept close to Newton. He shouldn’t have let him go away from him. He should have been there for him. Like a proper friend would.

“You’re right, you know”, the creature said with Newton’s voice, once Hermann failed to respond to its initial teasing. _This isn’t Newton_ , Hermann told himself, but it was really hard to convince himself of that when he was looking at Newton’s face and listening to Newton’s voice. The only thing that made him absolutely sure that this wasn’t his friend was the cold, indifferent look in Newton’s once warm and lively eyes. “If you had kept a close eye on me, this would have never happened. This is on you”, Newton – _not Newton_ , his brain immediately corrected – said, accusation piercing and poisonous. Hermann stood up straighter, assuming a defensive position. He leaned his weight heavier on his cane.

“Always refusing to acknowledge your mistakes, I see”, Hermann replied, hoping that perhaps shifting back into their usual bickering routine would aid Newton into returning to his senses. It didn’t. The creature possessing Newton scowled and stared up at Hermann with something akin to disgust.

“I can see how guilty you are, Herms. You know I’m right”, the thing said with Newton’s voice, and repulse immediately manifested itself in Hermann’s gut. That nickname didn’t belong in the creature’s lips. That nickname was Newton’s and Newton’s only.

“Don’t call me that”, he said, shifting his weight from good leg to bad leg and from good leg again. He was aching all over, but he refused to leave. “Only Newton can call me that”.

The thing laughed; an ugly, mocking laugh twisting Newton’s features and making him look like a maniac. Hermann’s stomach churned. His shoulders racked from the effort for a few moments, before all the humor disappeared from Newton’s face in the blink of an eye and he was launching himself forwards in sudden rage, a murderous look in his eyes. He was stopped by the cuffs pinning his wrists to the chair, but his body leaned forward in a menacing position. Hermann tried really hard not to flinch at the creature’s abrupt movement, but he couldn’t help himself.

“ _I’m_ Newton”, the thing said, but the voice sounded like a distorted, demonic version of Newton’s voice. Hermann blinked in horror, never having witnessed or heard such a voice coming from Newton’s lips before. “No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that this wasn’t me, it _was_ me, and you can’t change that”, he said. A gruesome smile blossomed in his lips. “I did that. I did all those things. I did them, Hermann!”, he yelled, but his voice was returning to normal now. “I did all that! I killed Mako!”

Newton’s face was no longer a portrait of rage and indifference, and the smile he had been bearing a second ago shifted into something that much resembled a sob.

“Newton?”, Hermann asked, taking a hesitant step closer to the man. Maybe Newton was returning to his senses and, remembering all the things that he had done under the influence of the Precursors, felt guilt and remorse over it. Maybe he was finally starting to fight back, maybe he was regaining control over himself.

“I did everything, I did it, it was me, it was _me, it was me_!”, he started yelling, frantic, and to Hermann’s horror, began hitting his head against the chair rest with all his strength.

“Newton, stop that!”, Hermann shouted, scandalized, but Newton continued to bang his head against the headrest and didn’t seem to be about to stop. Hermann hated to admit it, but he was too afraid to approach Newton further at this state, and he was beyond his help. Well aware that Pentecost and Lambert were watching the whole thing from the surveillance site, Hermann turned to face the nearest camera to him and shouted: “Sedate him! Now!”

He only had the time to rush out of the room and close the door behind him before he heard the hissing sound that indicated that the sedative was being sprayed into the room. It still took a few seconds too long before the sickening sound of Newton’s head banging against the metallic chair ceased, and all Hermann could do was rush as far away from the containment room as possible.

He went straight to his dorm, rather than meeting Pentecost and Lambert like he was expected to. Hermann didn’t believe he could be anywhere near anyone on that moment.

 

 

 

He didn’t visit Newt again, despite of how badly he wanted to see his friend. The last thing he wanted was to trigger another attack that could potentially result on Newton hurting himself, since he had apparently been the only one to earn that type of reaction. Whenever Jake or Lambert visited Newton, it was the creature – the Precursor – who spoke for him, with his own distorted, kaiju-like voice, always referring to Newton as if he was a third party who no longer inhabited his own body. But when Hermann had visited… When Hermann had visited, the creature had been there, yes, but it was almost as if Newton managed to share his consciousness with it, even if just a bit. And yet, it didn’t feel like it was Newton. It felt… It felt…

Hermann suppressed the thought to the farthest corner of his mind, focusing on the task at his hands. He had a pile of books covering most of the surface of his working table, half of them being a thorough analysis on the process of drifting and its effects, and the other half being on kaiju biology. Several of the latter had been written by Newton, but Hermann ignored that piece of information in order to focus on finding out how the hell he could help his friend return to his senses and be the owner of his own self again.

Lambert usually stopped by to talk to him and check on his progress, but Hermann hardly ever gave him any attention. He was aware that he was becoming more reclusive than ever, more reclusive than he had ever been before, but he needed to focus. Every minute that went by was a minute of Newton being trapped inside his own mind, and Hermann couldn’t sleep peacefully knowing that his friend was under such torment. If he had the means, he wouldn’t rest until he saved Newton from himself.

Jake stopped by sometimes as well, but less frequently than Lambert and more under obligation than anything else. Hermann knew well of his opinion that there was no saving for Newton, and even if there was, he knew that the boy would probably never forgive him for downright murdering his sister. Mako’s death was still sitting heavy with Hermann as well, but he couldn’t bring himself to blame Newton for anything other than first drifting with that kaiju brain all those years ago. And even though he didn’t want to admit it, not even to himself, that _had_ been his fault. He should have stopped Newton. He should have payed attention to him, and listened to his opinion, instead of dismissing him and driving the stupid boy to trying and proving him wrong. Newton was stupid and responsible for his own demise, yes, but Hermann should have known better than to leaving him alone to slowly drive his mind to deterioration.

The available options for rescuing Newton’s mind were very scarce and none of them were particularly pleasant. Lambert made sure that a psychiatrist with experience on drifting visited Newton and talked to him at least twice a week, but the truth was no one knew how to deal with the effects of a human-kaiju drifting process. It had never happened to anyone other than Newton, and there was nothing to work with other than the symptoms he was displaying. With time, the sessions began to look pointless, and Hermann’s research was the only hope anyone had at recovering Newton’s mind.

He spent weeks without visiting Newton again in order to focus on ways to help him (and telling himself that he wasn’t _avoiding_ Newton; no, avoiding wasn’t the right word), but his solutions were becoming scarcer with every book he finished reading. He had no idea why Newton had been so affected – or, in Lambert’s words, _possessed_ – by the Precursors after just two drifting experiences with a kaiju brain, but he would die before he gave up on figuring it out.

There were very few scientists working with Hermann on the case, not just because most of them were very afraid to be anywhere near Newton, given the horrible threats he would shout at them with his distorted voice, but also because Hermann didn’t exactly know most of the few ones who weren’t afraid. There was a very narrow intersection between “scientists that aren’t terrified of Newton” and “scientists that Hermann Gottlieb trusts” in which he could operate, resulting on having just two people aiding him with his research and actually trying to do something other than judging Newton for throwing his fits of anger.

They were forced to let Newton out of his restraints twice a day, in order for him to attend to his bodily needs. During the times when he was let lose, Newton was watched by heavily armed guards that would have him at gunpoint at all moments. Hermann couldn’t imagine what that would feel like, not having privacy to even go to the bathroom, but then he didn’t have a Precursor psychic parasite in his brain like Newton did. Still, he was sure that if Newton was still there somewhere – he was; he _had_ to be –, he was probably feeling terrible.

After nearly one month of research and studying and working on Newton’s case, without ever showing up to visit his former partner again, Hermann approached Pentecost and Lambert. He was nowhere near satisfied with the solution he had come up with, but he was afraid that if they just left Newton incarcerated for so long without at least trying to help him in some way, his condition could only grow worse.

“This is just a temporary method until I can figure out something better”, Hermann explained, dropping the pages of his research in front of the duo while knowing very well that even if they bothered to read it, they probably wouldn’t understand most of the data there. “I believe that putting Newton under electroconvulsive therapy could be a start at returning him to his senses. At least until we find a way to break his neuroconection to the Precursors for good”.

“Do you think this will actually work?”, Lambert asked, arms crossed above his chest. “I mean, ever since you last visited him… He hasn’t…”, he hesitated, almost as if trying to find a way to be gentle to Hermann. “Been himself again. After we had to sedate him on that day, he only refers to himself in the third person. Do you really think that Newton is still in there, somewhere?”

Hermann’s lips formed a thin line and his knuckles went white as he tightened his grip on his cane. He didn’t look at either of his bosses as he nodded briefly, trying – and failing – to hide his annoyance.

“He is still there”, Hermann said, staring straight ahead. “He is guilty, and tormented, and a prisoner in his own body, but he is still there”.

“I don’t know, mate”, Jake said, crossing his arms in a way that mimicked Lambert’s. He shook his head, leaning against the table behind him. “We’d have to move a hell lot of equipment here to give him ECT, and it could all be for nothing”.

“It wouldn’t be for nothing”, Hermann snapped his head up in order to look Jake in the eyes. “Newton is still in there somewhere. The ECT would ease the Precursors’ neural bridge to his mind, if only for a few hours a day, and that would give me the time to talk to him and extract information that could be useful for us. It would also give me the time to work on a more permanent solution”.

“And what if you bring him back again?”, Jake took a step forwards, looking angry. “Will he go free and without being trialed for Mako’s death?”

“It wasn’t him”, Hermann argued, standing his ground and staring up at Jake. “It was the Precursors in his head. He was in no control of his actions, and as you have seen from the footage of my last visit, he feels guilty enough about that”.

“Guilt isn’t going to bring my sister back”, Jake argued, taking a step too close to Hermann, but Lambert held a hand to his chest, trying to calm him down. Jake took a step back, but still glared at Hermann with fury and loss in his eyes. “Plus, I watched the tape very well, mate. He kept screaming that _he_ had done it, and I’m not about to disagree with him”, he added, bitter.

Hermann swallowed dry at this, trying to regain his composure and keep a hold of himself. He wouldn’t ruin his reputation of coolness and stoicism over Newton Geiszler.

“He is troubled”, Hermann tried to explain. “The Precursors are a toxic, maleficent presence in his brain, and they are probably doing everything in its power to drive Newton mad. They have been doing so for the past _ten years_ ”, he closed his eyes briefly. “But there is a way to bring him back. The ECT might be just a start, but I am confident that I will find a permanent solution. Helping Newton will not only bring my friend back, but it will also give us one of the best specialists on kaiju biology in the world, who actually _knows_ what the Precursors’ plans are and how their minds work”.

Jake sighed and shook his head again, but he didn’t disagree with Hermann. As troubled as Newt was, it was undeniable that he was the best xenobiologist they could get their hands on, and having Precursors in his head for years to no end could clarify them on what their next plans were and how they could prevent them. Lambert probably acknowledged that, because after a few seconds of ponderation he nodded, taking a step closer to Hermann and tapping his shoulder.

“I will see what I can do about the equipment”, he told him. “Everything is still chaotic because of Japan, but I’ll do my best to have it brought here”.

“Thank you”, Hermann told Lambert, hating how desperate he ended up sounding. Lambert made to leave the room, Pentecost following him closely behind, but before they could leave, Hermann spoke up. “Do you think I could visit him?”

Lambert turned to look at him, a quizzical look on his face.

“Right now?”, he asked, a slight frown appearing on his brow.

“If possible, yes”, Hermann nodded.

“It’s been a month”, he commented, not understanding Hermann’s reasons. “I thought you didn’t want to see him”.

“I am aware”, Hermann dropped his head slightly. “But I do want to see him. I want to see if I can reach out for Newt – the real Newton”, he explained.

“No one has been able to do that in a month”, Pentecost pointed out. Hermann bit his lower lip for a moment before staring back up at the pair.

“I am also aware”, he said. He fell silent after that. He wasn’t sure he could tell these man the real reason why he wanted to see Newton. He wasn’t sure he could tell them that he wanted to see, for himself, if he was indeed the only one able to make Newton regain his consciousness, even if for a moment. Lambert eventually nodded his head, looking at Hermann with something akin to sympathy in his eyes. Hermann hated it.

“I’ll have some guards accompany you to his containment room”, he said, before turning on his heels and leaving. Jake stared at him for a couple of seconds, an unreadable look on his face, before turning back and following his friend out. Hermann was left alone at the small conference room, and once the pair was out of his line of sight, he relaxed, leaning a good part of his weight on his cane and allowing his tense shoulders to drop. The ECT was far from a viable solution, but it would buy him sometime with the real Newton for him to reach a more conclusive one.

Two guards arrived at the room after a few minutes, and they escorted Hermann to the room where Newt was being contained. When they made to follow Hermann inside after he opened the door, he stopped them with a short wave of his hand.

“Stay put. I want to speak to him alone”, he explained. The guards looked hesitant. “I’ll shout for you if anything happens”, he added, and before they could disagree, Hermann stepped into the room and closed the door behind himself.

Newton was sitting in a much similar position to his last visit from a month ago, head dropped and apparently asleep. He didn’t stir or seemed to acknowledge Hermann’s presence, and yet Hermann could tell he was aware of it, if the tapping of his cane on the floor was anything to go by. He stopped at a safe distance from Newton, looking at his friend with pity and sorrow in his eyes. How had Newton had come to be like this? How come had he not noticed it or done anything to prevent this?

“He hates it, you know”, the creature said with Newt’s voice, without raising his head. “The way you look at him now. Like he’s an abandoned stray dog; whatever that means”.

Hermann didn’t say anything, staring at the creature that bared the face of his friend. Eventually, it raised its head, staring at Hermann with that horrible coldness and rage that he would never get used to seeing inside Newton’s eyes. He glared at Hermann for a long time, as if analyzing and studying him.

“You want to know the reason why he let me in?”, the thing asked with Newton’s voice, and god, Hermann could have mistaken it for his friend, were it not for his eyes. He vaguely wondered if the reason why Newt had worn sunglasses so often in his presence before Japan was because he didn’t want Hermann to see the truth behind his eyes. “You want to know why he opened himself up for me like what you people call a whore?”

Hermann took a deep, albeit shaky intake of breath and continued to face down the creature, trying his best to look braver than he actually felt. He didn’t give it the satisfaction of responding, but the look in his eyes seemed to be enough to make the creature speak up again.

“He was so desperate for attention and recognition. He never had _any_ recognition”, the thing chuckled, and the sound was so familiar on Newton’s lips that Hermann’s heart skipped a beat. “Never. Always the odd one out. Always trying to fit in. To be acknowledged. To be _seen_ ”, the creature scowled, looking disgusted. “Dreams of being a rock star and important. He is _pathetic_. It was so easy to seduce him”, he chuckled again. “He was great when he was with you, saving the world and closing the rift together, but he wanted to be greater. You weren’t enough for him. You’ll _never_ be enough for him”.

“I’ll let Newton be the one to decide that”, Hermann snapped bitterly. The creature laughed, that hysterical, loud laugh that once annoyed Hermann to no end but that now only made his gut twist because it sounded so much like Newton, even though he knew it was just the creature using his voice. Mimicking him. Trying to provoke Hermann.

“Newton can’t decide anything”, the thing said, voice already beginning to twist from Newt’s to the Precursor’s. “I call the shots now. He’s gone. Nothing you can do will ever bring him back”.

“I don’t believe that”, Hermann said, tightening his grip on his cane. “I know that you are still in there somewhere, you stupid, irresponsible man. And when I get you out, we will have a _serious_ talk about self-preservation”, he said, hoping that his stern, scolding tone would bring Newton some memories of their interactions at the Shatterdome all those years ago. However, this only seemed to irritate the creature, who tried to launch itself forwards in anger like it had done on Hermann’s previous – and only other – visit.

“Don’t you understand?”, the creature snarled with that hideous, distorted voice. “You’re never getting him out! And even if you do, how long do you think he’ll last without me? How long do you think he can go without crawling back to me like an addict, begging for my presence in his brain again? How long do you think he’ll survive strapped to a chair and being treated like a criminal? How long do you think I’ll survive with the guilt of everything I did? How long do you think I can live like this, like a caged animal? I won’t make it! I can’t make it!”, Newton trashed, pulling hard against his restraints and banging his head against the headrest again. Hermann immediately took a step forwards, swallowing past his fear and trying to keep calm. This is the first time Newton has referred to himself in the first person in the past month. Hermann couldn’t let this opportunity pass.

“Newton, listen to me”, he tried to call the man’s attention, doing his best not to flinch every time he heard the sickening thud of Newton’s head banging against the chair. “It’s Hermann. I’m right in front of you. Can you please stop hitting your head and look at me, you stubborn child?”

Newton was panting heavily and still fighting against his restraints, wrists already looking bruised and raw. His chest was rising and falling in an uneven pace, and his face looked pale and sick. His vicious banging of the head against the back of the chair subdued to a slight tapping, and even though Hermann wished he would stop harming himself altogether, he was satisfied with that small victory. The anger and coldness in his eyes gave place to an unbearably sad look of guilt and pain as he stopped fighting against his bindings, and he continued to stare at Hermann with those remorse-filled eyes while he tapped his head against the headrest. He looked like a lost child, and Hermann wanted nothing more than to help him.

“I didn’t mean it, any of it, I’m sorry, Hermann, you have to believe me”, he said, voice hoarse from all the shouting and trembling from his panic. Hermann took a step closer to him despite of himself, eager to comfort him but afraid of how Newton would react if he touched him. “I didn’t mean it. I couldn’t fight it, I’m not strong enough, I was never strong enough, I just can’t fight it, I’m sorry”.

“It’s ok”, Hermann tried to reassure, taking another tentative step closer to his friend. His hands were shaking, but he tried his best to hide it. “We all know you weren’t in control of yourself, Newton. No one blames you. You just have to try and be strong so that we can help you through this”, he reassured, hating how alien and forced the words sounded on his lips.

“I can’t; I’m not strong”, he shook his head, and Hermann noticed that Newton’s eyes were filled with tears. “I’m so out of it I don’t even remember most of what happened, just flashes and pictures every now and then”.

“It’s ok”, Hermann nodded his head again, swallowing past the growing lump in his throat. “I will aid you through everything. We will get this thing out of your head”.

“Is Mako ok?”, Newton asked, wide eyes darting around the dark room as if he expected to see Mako there. He looked like he had just woken up from a nightmare, and there was worry evident in his voice. Hermann felt himself grow pale, but Newton didn’t seem to notice it. “I just remember the – the plan, and pressing the button, but, but I c-can’t tell what happened afterwards. I can’t remember anything. Where are we? Are we at the Shatterdome?”, he asked, sounding so unbearably lost that Hermann felt the tears prickling at the corner of his own eyes at the sight.

“We haven’t been to the Shatterdome in a long while now, Newton”, was all he had the courage to answer. He had no way to predict how Newton would react to the news of Mako’s death, even though he had already blamed himself for it a month before. Maybe the Precursor was messing with his brain and purposefully confusing him. “We are at the base, with Pentecost’s son. You’ll be alright if you just focus on me and let me help you”.

“Why am I tied up?”, Newton frowned, trying to yank his arms away from his restraints and failing to do so. “Why did you tie me up?”

“You are restrained because right now, you are a danger to yourself and others, Newton”, Hermann tried to be as patient as he could. However, Newton seemed to grow more and more nervous, going back to pulling against his bindings and foolishly attempting to free himself from the chair.

“Why won’t you let me out? What did I do, Hermann?”, he asked, sounding frantic and verging on maniac. Hermann raised one of his hands, as if attempting to calm down a vicious animal.

“Newton, listen to me. You have to calm yourself. Throwing a fuss won’t help anyone”, he said, but his advice fell upon deaf ears. Newton continued to pull against his restraints at full force, injuring his wrists in the process. His breathing was uneven and he seemed to be on the brink of hyperventilation. “Newton! Listen to my voice. You have to tell me how did this happen. How did the Precursors get such a tight hold to your brain?”, Hermann urged.

“I can’t”, Newt shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. His fighting against the bindings stopped, but he was shaking violently and refusing to meet Hermann’s eyes. “She won’t let me”.

“Who won’t let you?”, Hermann frowned, focusing on this new piece of information that Newton hadn’t shared before. Before Newt could answer, however, his face turned slack and he opened his eyes again, only to reveal that sickening coldness behind it.

“Visiting time is over”, the thing said with Newton’s voice, and Hermann’s shoulders dropped in disappointment.  “How did you like it?”, the thing smiled wickedly, almost mockingly, tilting his head to the side with curiosity.

“Let go of him”, Hermann ordered, despite of himself. He knew that his words would hardly have any effect on the creature’s motivations for keeping Newton’s brain as hostage. “What are you winning with this? He can’t help you anymore. You will never get to use his hands to press the apocalypse button ever again, so why keep controlling him? Just let him go”.

The thing scoffed, shaking Newton’s head in something akin to disappointment.

“Humans are so pathetic and predictable”, he commented, the indifference in Newton’s tone making Hermann’s skin crawl. “Maybe I just like to see you beg. Maybe I just want to see you all get on your knees and beg for me to let go of this weak, ridiculous vessel. Or maybe I just want to watch you all try and fail to save what’s left of him while I continue to destroy his body and mind”, he grinned.

“You will never get to do that”, Hermann said, unable to keep the anger and the horror from his voice. “No matter what it takes, I will remove you from Newton’s head and I will help him recover from the monstrosities you made him do”.

“Keep telling yourself that, Herms”, the thing said with Newton’s voice. It would have sounded almost sympathetic, almost like their usual banter, were it not for the _eyes_. Unable to remain inside the room any longer, Hermann turned on his heels and limped his way to the door. “Deep down, you know that even if you get me out, he’ll never be the same Newton you knew”, the creature shouted after him, but Hermann didn’t stop walking or turned to look at it. “You hear me, Hermann? He’s never going to be the same again!”

Hermann slammed the confinement room’s door behind him with all his remaining strength, not bothering to apologize to the two startled guards staring at him. He leaned against the harsh surface for a few moments, trying to regain control of his breathing.

“Are you ok, sir?”, one of the guards asked him, sounding concerned. Hermann simply nodded before gripping his cane and walking down the hall towards his own room, pretending that it wasn’t starting to feel like some sort of confinement of his own.

 

 

 

“We have a problem”, was the first thing Lambert told him as soon as he stepped inside the conference room two days later, the serious look on his face making Hermann’s already bad mood grow into downright annoyance.

“Another one?”, he asked, limping his way to where Jake was sitting by the table. At least the boy had the decency to bear an apologetic look as he nodded at Hermann.

“First of all, we have the ECT equipment”, Lambert said, following Hermann and sitting beside Jake by the table. “But the problem is that, with everything that happened in Japan, there aren’t many anesthetics laying around for grab. They are scarce nowadays, and we couldn’t get much of it”.

Hermann stared at Lambert for a few seconds, trying to make sense of the information he was being told.

“What are you trying to say?”, he asked, sounding stoic. Lambert sighed.

“We barely have enough to numb him through each session, and definitely not enough to put him under. Which means he’ll be awake during the sessions, and though the anesthesia will ease some of the pain, it won’t ease… all of it”, he said, sounding almost remorseful.

Hermann swallowed dry, averting his eyes from Lambert’s general direction and staring at his own feet instead. No matter what he did, he didn’t seem to be able to put an end to Newton’s suffering.

“Don’t you think you can help him without the ECT, mate?”, Jake suggested. “You managed to speak to the real him last time you went for a visit”.

“The Precursor controlling his mind _allowed_ me to speak to him, and pulled him back under as soon as he was about to reveal important information”, Hermann explained. He was gripping his cane with such force that he felt like he could break it. “It wasn’t Newton’s conscious decision. I believe that electroconvulsive therapy can temporarily dismantle the remains of his neural connection with the kaiju brain and allow me to speak to the real Newton without intervention or monitoring of the Precursor’s part, even if just for a while. And I believe that these conversations with Newton might help me figure out a way to break him free of the Precursors for good”.

“How so?”, Lambert asked, sounding almost disbelieving. In fact, he looked sorry for Hermann, which made the scientist want to smack him with his cane. “What do you expect Newton to tell you that could possibly help him?”

Hermann took a deep breath to calm himself, shifting his weight between legs.

“Two driftings with a kaiju brain couldn’t have been enough to cause such a reaction in Newton’s brain”, he explained, trying to sound as patient as he could. “This type of dissociation could have only been caused by prolonged exposure to drifting. It has happened to humans before; it wouldn’t be surprising if it happened to someone who drifted with a kaiju. I have reason to believe that Newton has been drifting with a kaiju brain over the course of the past ten years, and I need to figure out if that is truly the case in order to try and find a solution for it. If I’m wrong and this is truly the collateral effect of only drifting _twice_ , then the approach I intend to try could turn out to be potentially… fatal”, he admitted. Jake raised a surprised eyebrow, and Lambert simply tilted his head.

“So you are willing to go through with this?”, he asked. “Even if it hurts him?”

“Trust me, if there was any other way that didn’t involve hurting Newton even further, I would be the first to try. But I’m afraid we are running out of options, and every day that thing spends inside Newton’s head, the farther we get from ever returning his mind to himself”, Hermann said, the seriousness in his face never faltering. Lambert nodded solemnly, whereas Jake stood up and walked over to him.

“I’ll accompany you to the confinement room. The equipment is already there”, he said. Hermann nodded and allowed the boy to lead the way.

They walked in silence through the long corridors, only the sounds of their footsteps and of Hermann’s cane tapping against the floor being heard. Jake didn’t try to slow his pace down in order to allow Hermann to keep up with him, and Hermann was thankful for that. If there was one thing he hated was people patronizing him, and if there was one thing he couldn’t blame Jake for was being patronizing. They came to a halt in front of the closed door of the containment room, and only then Jake turned to address Hermann.

“Look, mate. I watched the tape of your last conversation with him”, he started. “I’m sorry about what I said about him that day. I was…”, he dropped his head. Talking about this subject was probably difficult for him, and it took him several seconds to continue. “Losing Mako wasn’t easy. It _isn’t_ easy. She was my sister, and now she’s no longer here, and I’m not sure I can ever forgive Geiszler for that”, he admitted. “But I know it wasn’t him. And I hope you can bring him back to his senses”, he added. Hermann nodded at him, silently grateful that Jake was no longer against him. “But I also saw that you were pretty shaken after you left”, Jake added, to which Hermann did his best not to blush. He continued to stare at Jake with an impassive face, waiting for him to continue, neither denying nor confirming what he was saying. “Are you sure you’re the best person to do this? It won’t be pretty. There won’t be enough anesthesia, and… You know how that thing in his head can get. We have a larger medical team than you care to use. You could over watch it, instead of doing it yourself”.

Hermann considered Pentecost’s words for a few moments, acknowledging there was truth behind them. And while he was grateful for Jake for taking his feelings into consideration and trying to offer him an easy way out of this, Hermann knew, deep down, that there _was_ no easy way out. He was the only one who had managed to make the real Newton resurface from the depths of his own mind. If anyone had any chance at being successful with the path they were choosing to follow, this person was Hermann, and Hermann alone.

“I may not be the best person to do it”, Hermann admitted. “But I’m the only person who can”.

Jake studied his face before nodding and stepping to the side, giving Hermann space to enter the room. He took one last breath before twisting the knob, and the sound of the door closing behind him once he stepped into the confinement was louder than it had ever been before.

 

 

 

**Conversation 1**

He tries his best to ignore the creature’s banter as he goes around the room organizing the equipment and getting everything ready for the first session. The two other people who he trusted enough to work on Newton were in there with him, aiding him with everything he needed. It wasn’t ideal to go through with the procedure while Newton was still strapped to the chair, but they had no other choice. If they cut him loose, he could attack them and try to escape, despite of the guards standing right outside the door. Or, maybe, even worse – the creature could try to take its revenge on Hermann by harming Newton or even killing him on purpose. It was too risky to even consider, and so Hermann was forced to leave him tied up to the chair.

The creature was trying to talk Hermann out of it, trying – very poorly – to impersonate the real Newton and to convince Hermann that this wasn’t a good idea. This, however, only served to convince Hermann that he was indeed in the right path, and that the ECT would break the neural connection with the Precursors for a little while. If the thing in Newton’s brain was trying so hard to talk him out of it, this _had_ to mean that he was doing the right thing, right?

He didn’t inform the creature of anything he was doing like a doctor would usually inform a patient, and thus his team gave Newton the anesthesia and spread the conductance gel across his temples and forehead without previous warning. It was only when Hermann approached him with the mouthguard that the creature seemed to be truly afraid, trashing against the restraints and turning its head to the side. It held Newton’s lips closed tightly so that Hermann wouldn’t be allowed to insert the mouthguard, but the two other scientists held his head and forced his jaw open.

“Hermann, please, don’t do this”, the creature begged with Newton’s voice, but it sounded so terrified and nervous that Hermann wondered if this could actually be the real Newton. His eyes were wide and full of fear, and the words he spoke were muffled because of one of the staff’s hands holding his jaw. “Don’t do this, please, don’t do this, there’s not enough anesthesia”, he pleaded, and Hermann felt his heart skip a bit. Even though he was specialized in kaiju, Newton was, nevertheless, a biologist. He knew that procedures such as ECT were performed under general anesthesia. But there was really nothing Hermann could do about this. “Hermann, no, listen to me, don’t, Hermann, don’t do this, don’t –“

“I’m sorry, Newton”, he said, and promptly shoved the mouthguard past Newton’s lips before he could actually change his mind. Hermann couldn’t tell if this was really Newton or the Precursor mimicking him, but in either case, he couldn’t step back and give up. This was the only way to help Newton, as much as Hermann hated having to cause him pain. If he left the Precursor with the control of Newton’s body for even longer, the damage to his brain could become irreversible. By doing this, he could have a chance of finding the source of Newton’s affliction and end it before it could harm him further. Hermann really wish he could think of another way, but there wasn’t any other method to interrupt the neural connection other than electrically stimulating Newton’s brain.

Ignoring the way Newton’s heart monitor was spiking up from fear, Hermann left his two assistants holding his shoulders against the chair while he took the electrodes and positioned them on Newt’s temples. The man was trying to speak past his mouthguard, but only managed to emit guttural, muffled noises that sounded much more like the kaiju’s voice than Newt’s own. With his heart in his throat and a terrible feeling of guilt inside him, Hermann turned on the electrical discharge and watched as Newt’s whole body tensed up, screams and shouts dying at the back of his throat and replaced by a short, muffled yelp. His eyes squeezed shut and his whole face scrunched up in pain as he started to convulse, his whole body trembling and shaking and forming a picture that seemed to have come out straight out of Hermann’s nightmares. He counted the seconds with meticulous care, ignoring the horrifying sound of Newton’s limbs rattling against the metallic chair as he convulsed, until the seizure finally halted to a stop. Hermann took notes of the duration of the convulsion and made sure there was nothing wrong with Newton’s heart monitoring and oxygen levels before he turned to attend to the man. His assistants, aware that Hermann would want to have some alone time to talk to Newton once he returned to his senses, resumed tending to the man’s unconscious form and left the room.

Hermann carefully oxygenated Newton and made his best to make the man comfortable despite of his restraints. He removed the mouthguard from Newton’s mouth and found himself surprised that he didn’t care about the drool that coated his hand in the process. Wiping his hand with a neckerchief, he used the material to wipe away Newton’s lips and patiently waited for the man to return to his senses. Eventually, Newton blinked his eyes open, unfocused and as red-rimmed as they had been for the past month.

 “Hello, Newton”, Hermann said, doing his best to sound gentle and reassuring. He thought to himself, with some level of bitterness, about how much he had changed because of Newton. He wouldn’t have described himself as _gentle and reassuring_ ten years before, when they used to share a lab in the Shatterdome. The memory made his heart ache. “Can you hear me?”

Newton continued to blink sluggishly at Hermann, as if unable to recognize him or his surroundings. Hermann wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. Amnesia was a common side effect to ECT, especially when done without anesthesia. Plus, the Precursors in Newton’s brain didn’t seem too fond of catching him up on the things they made him do. Newton’s head was tilted on the chair and he tried to sit up straighter, apparently failing to notice that he was restrained.

“Hermann?”, he eventually asked, voice slurred and hoarse. He squinted at Hermann’s form standing in front of him, as if trying to recognize him.

“Yes”, Hermann nodded, trying to keep his enthusiasm down. This could be the first time he was speaking to Newton – the real Newton – in god knows how long. However, Newton continued to look very confused and _very_ disoriented.

“What the – where are my glasses?”, Newton asked with that sort of indignation that used to be very common whenever Hermann infuriated him. The question, however, took Hermann by surprise: he hadn’t seen Newton wearing his glasses in years, and had no idea where they could be. He had assumed his friend had decided to wear contact lenses, but it appeared to not be the case. Upon Hermann’s silence, Newt added: “I can’t see shit here. Did you do something to my glasses? I swear to god, if you did, you’re going to have to get me new ones –“

“Newton”, Hermann interrupted before the man could become too exasperated. “I don’t know where your glasses are. I’ll find them for you later. Right now, I need you to tell me what’s the last thing you remember”, he urged. He had no way to tell when the Precursors influence would reestablish itself, and time was essential for that precise reason. The most information he could extract from Newton during the sessions, the less sessions they would need to make. Hermann wasn’t looking forward to inducing convulsions on his friend any time soon.

Newton squinted at him, confused, and for the first time seemed to be aware of the cuffs restraining his wrists. He tried to move them and hissed loudly in pain, and if he had been wearing his glasses he would have been able to spot the bruises and scratches around the skin there.

“What the hell? Why am I tied up?!”, he asked, beginning to sound frantic. Were it not for the situation, Hermann would have laughed. This was Newton – the real Newton! – talking to him and being angry at him as he used to do all those years back. Hermann wanted to clap his hands and jump up and down like a child, but didn’t for several reasons. He had a more important task at hands.

“Newton, calm down”, Hermann instructed, holding one of Newton’s hands with his free one and standing closer to him, so that he could see Hermann’s face even past his eyesight issues. “I need you to tell me what’s the last thing you remember. Then I will explain everything later”, he promised. Newton looked up at him, eyes still squinted so that he could see without his glasses, but he relaxed and leaned back against the chair, looking pensive.

“I don’t know, man”, he shrugged. He sounded so jovial and carefree and _normal_ that Hermann wanted to scream at the contrast with the Newton that he had been interacting with for the past month. “I was at home, I think, and I got this call from Shao? About the job I had been offered there? And then I…”, he hesitated, averting his eyes from Hermann. A blush found its way to Newton’s pale cheeks, and Hermann tightened his grip on the man’s hand as if to urge him to continue. Probably realizing that his silence was incriminating, Newton continued. “Then I decided to celebrate with Alice. Did I tell you about Alice? She’s the best, dude, you two have to meet each other some day”, he added, clearly trying to play it cool in order to hide something. Hermann took a deep breath, trying his best not to pressure Newton too much, but he couldn’t keep himself from snapping.

“Newton”, he said, voice sounding more aggressive than he would like. “Have you been drifting with a kaiju brain?”

Newton’s face dropped and went back to pallor, jaw dropping and making him look extremely stupid. It was clear that he was uncomfortable, and it was clear that Hermann had hit the bullseye. So Newton _had_ been drifting with a kaiju brain for all those years. Hermann only needed verbal confirmation from him so that he could plan a course of action to save his friend.

“I… I don’t… what?”, he gave Hermann a forced laugh. “I mean, _what_? What are you talking about, dude, I mean, really? C’mon, a kaiju brain? Where would I get a kaiju brain? Where would I get one of those bad boys, huh?”, he said, and everything about his tone of voice was so forced that Hermann scowled at the man’s pathetic attempt at hiding his blame.

“Newton, for heaven’s sake, be serious for once in your life”, Hermann said, placing one hand against Newt’s shoulder and squeezing it to call his attention. “Have you or have you not been drifting with a kaiju brain? This is important!”

Newton stared up at Hermann with wide eyes that suddenly went from shocked to terrified in a matter of milliseconds. He soon started to stare through Hermann instead of at him, as if he was lost in deep thought while memories rushed back into his brain at full speed. His face, which, despite of the pallor, had been looking jovial ever since he regained his senses, acquired a frown that seemed to carry the weight of the world on it. Newton’s eyes became moist and he finally turned them back to Hermann’s face, gazing deeply upon him and looking deeply troubled.

“What happened to me?”, he asked, his voice merely above a shaky whisper, and if the heart monitor still attached to Newton wasn’t enough of an indication, the way the man’s chest began to rise and fall more rapidly than it was natural told Hermann that he was starting to freak out. “Hermann?”, he urged, voice breaking, when Hermann didn’t say anything.

“Newton, you must calm down”, Hermann instructed, heart breaking, but Newton was becoming more frantic by the second. His eyes were darting madly across the room and he pulled against his restraints again.

“What happened to me, Hermann? Why am I tied up?”, he asked, sounding nervous. Hermann tried to squeeze his shoulder again, but Newton shrugged his hand off. “What year is it?”

“What?”, Hermann asked, taken aback by the question.

“The year, what year, what year is it?!”, Newton asked, voice raising an octave and sounding desperate. Hermann’s heart dropped to his stomach, and he took a step back from Newton. “Hermann!”, Newton shouted, betrayed, but Hermann simply shook his head.

“If I tell you, will you calm down and answer my question?”, Hermann asked, sounding calmer than he felt, and feeling as if he was dealing with a child. Newton promptly nodded, panting heavily and looking extremely troubled. “It’s 2035”, Hermann supplied.

Newton stared up at him with what seemed to be sheer horror for a couple of seconds, chest rising and falling so fast that he seemed to be on the verge of passing out. Instead of losing consciousness, though, he merely looked up at Hermann with tear-filled eyes and announced:

“I’m gonna be sick”.

And then he was throwing up all over himself.

“Newton!”, Hermann shouted in alarm, re-approaching his friend and lifting his head, which had fallen against his chest. Newton’s eyes had rolled to the back of his head and he was unconscious, the stench of vomit already seeping into the room. Hermann propped Newton’s head against the headrest of the chair and sighed, running a hand tiredly across his face.

This outcome was expectable – Hermann had just broken a neural bridge that had been continuously happening for ten years non-stop, and if Newton had asked him what year it was, it meant he probably didn’t remember much of what had happened to him ever since he started drifting with the kaiju brain. The interrupted neural bridge, added to the side-effects of the ECT and to the shock of finding out that he had been unaware of what was happening to him for the course of ten years had probably taken their toll on Newt’s body and mind. Hermann only wished he had verbally confirmed that he used to drift with a kaiju brain, but he was glad that he at least got to talk to the real Newton for the first time in years.

Hermann called in a team to clean Newton up and tend to him, taking the time to change his own clothes and take a shower himself. He couldn’t help but to feel a bit relieved that he had talked to the real Newton, because that was a sign that he was still there, somewhere. Deep inside his own mind, smothered by the toxic Precursors, Newton was still there, and he was still fighting. Hermann would be damned if he didn’t help Newton fight.

He reported to Pentecost and Lambert about the results of the first day of ECT and told them about his optimistic outlook regarding the possibility of Newton’s recovery. The two men had watched the whole session through a live feed and were shocked to see the positive, albeit a bit messy effect that Hermann’s treatment had on Newton. They all came to an agreement that Hermann would continue to administer these sessions on Newton until they managed to get more information on what had caused him to be so dominated by the Precursors and what he knew about their plans of conquering the Earth.

“Well done, Gottlieb”, Lambert told him after he finished his report, placing a hand against Hermann’s shoulder and squeezing it. “Let us know if there’s anything else you need. Having Newton on our side again may help us end this war once and for all”.

“In fact, sir, there is something I wanted to ask”, Hermann said, remembering something that had been bothering him for a while now.

“What is it?” Lambert encouraged him.

“Newton… Kept mentioning someone he wanted me to meet, even before everything that happened in Japan. Her name was Alice. Perhaps she can give us some useful information about what happened to Newton and how he turned out to be like this, if they were together at the time”, Hermann said.

“Right”, Lambert nodded his head. “I will have someone look into it as soon as we have enough personnel. In the meantime, keep up the good work, alright, doc?”, he said.

“Thank you”, Hermann said, hoping that those simple two words would be enough to convey the entirety of his gratitude for those two men. Had they been any less great, they would have probably gotten Newton killed as soon as he was brought into the base, or simply use him as a source of information instead of trying to help him. Hermann knew that they weren’t allowing him to try and fix Newton just out of the goodness of their own heart: they wanted access to whatever intel Newton could give them on the kaiju and the Precursors and having the man on their side would be the best way to do that. Hermann knew that Jake wasn’t exactly fond of the idea of spending money – which was scarce – and equipment – which was scarcer – on the man that had murdered his sister and caused a kaiju attack on Japan, and Lambert probably shared a similar opinion. But they knew Hermann was right when he said that Newton was the best xenobiologist they had, and whether they liked it or not, he _did_ have a lot of unprecedented information on the Precursors’ motivations. The only thing they needed to do was to return the agency over his own brain and decisions to Newton. They needed him. _Hermann_ needed him, even though he would never admit it out loud. He never thought that he would end up missing Newton Geiszler, out of all the people in the world, but by god, he did. He missed him so much.

He only hoped that the Precursors controlling Newton didn’t decide he wasn’t worth the risk and discarded him like a puppet before Hermann could break their neural connection and rescue Newton for good. He wouldn’t want to see the outcome if that happened.

He needed to work fast.


	2. Chapter 2

**Conversation 2**

Newton had his head tied to the back of the chair next time Hermann visited him, which was on the day following the first ECT session. When Hermann questioned his assistants about it, he was provided with the information that, after he had woken up following the ECT session, Newton had started banging his head against the chair until he gave himself a mild concussion. Hermann was equally thankful and guilty that he hadn’t been there to witness such a scene.

He was apparently asleep when they entered the confinement room, head dropped and chin glued to his chest as it was apparently usual for him now. He didn’t stir or make any snarky remarks as Hermann and his assistants settled the ECT equipment once again, and Hermann couldn’t tell if he was actually asleep or just pretending to be. It was very hard to tell anything about Newton’s behavior nowadays. It was only when his team was almost finished settling the equipment down that Newton – or rather, the creature – raised his head, staring at Hermann with what could only be described as a diabolical gaze.

“I see you are awake”, Hermann said, despite of every instinct in his body telling him to keep a leveled head and ignore the creature. He was there to help Newton, not bicker with the Precursor possessing him.

“Didn’t expect to see you so soon”, the thing said with Newt’s voice, sounding almost humorous. There was a resemblance of a smirk on his lips, but it was crooked and evil. Hermann turned up his nose and went back to analyzing the work of his two assistants, who were almost done getting the machine ready. “ _He_ didn’t expect to see you so soon. Or ever again, for that matter”.

“Well, proving you wrong seems to be a habit of mine”, Hermann said simply, voice stoic and vacant of any emotion. He wouldn’t give the Precursor the pleasure of knowing it had gotten under his skin. Nothing ever got under Hermann’s skin, even though the only exception to that rule seemed to be Newton.

It had only ever been Newton.

“Not for much longer”, Newton – the thing – chuckled, trying to shake his head and failing to do so thanks to the restraints on his forehead. This seemed to annoy the creature, who jolted on the chair and fidgeted against the bindings for a few seconds before going back to being still again. “You know what I’ll do if you keep up this ridiculous game? If you keep trying to electrocute me out of his brain?”

“Nothing you say will make a difference –“, Hermann started, but the creature interrupted him, voice distorted and demonic.

“I’ll starve him”, it said, eyes dark and face scrunched in a manic rage that Hermann had never seen in Newton’s face before, not even during their worst arguments. Sure, Newton had looked manic before, but in an electric and non-harmful way. This was completely different. This was… wrong. “I’ll kill him if I have to. I won’t let you win. I’ll kill this body before you win”.

Hermann ignored the creature’s taunting, pretending the words it had said didn’t make his heart twist inside his chest and knowing better than to lead it on. Instead, he approached the machine and grabbed a hold of the mouthguard for Newton, eager to shove it in his mouth if it would only shut the creature up. He limped his way back to the chair, where his assistants were already trying to hold the struggling Newton down.

“Go ahead and ignore my words, old man”, the thing said, going back to using Newton’s voice in what was probably an attempt to catch Hermann off guard and sensitize him. “Act like you don’t know I’m telling the truth”.

“You won’t kill Newton because he is currently the only connection your race has with this world”, Hermann gave in to his best attempts to keep his comments back to himself, uttering all the strength and cold-mindedness he had left to appear completely calm to the creature’s eyes. Deep down inside, he felt terrified, but he couldn’t let this weakness show. He was always good at suppressing his feelings, anyway.

“Yeah? And I’m the only connection your world has with mine”, Newton spat out, and he would have looked almost triumphant, hadn’t it been for all the binding and the two people holding his shoulders down. Hermann hesitated for the slightest of seconds, wondering if Pentecost and Lambert were listening to this conversation. If they were, it was possible that they would want to cease Newton’s treatment, should it mean they would get information out of the Precursor who had possessed him. Realizing this, the creature smiled. “If you stop this”, the creature continued, sounding slightly calmer. “I’ll tell your boss what he wanted to know. Everything he asked me before; I’ll tell him. But if you put that thing on me again”, he averted his eyes to look at the electrodes on the desk beside him, since he couldn’t use his head to nod at it, “I’ll keep my mouth shut until this body dies and rots”.

Hermann swallowed dry, sensing his stomach drop and finding hesitation in the eyes of his assistants. The thought of Newton dying – actually dying and having his body buried to rot over time – made him feel so uneasy that there was no way his aversion to the idea didn’t show in his face. He stood there for a moment, leaning heavily on his cane with one hand and holding the mouthguard with the other, looking at Newton’s broken form and considering the options they had in hands. It was obvious that the creature was bargaining, but could it be trusted? If it was desperate to the point of trying to make a deal – something that not even Pentecost had urged out of it –, then it could only mean Hermann was on the right tracks with the ECT treatment. Even though Newton had only undergone one session, it had affected the Precursor enough that it felt the need to _bargain_ with Hermann. This meant that the treatment was bound to be successful, and that Hermann had no reason – or will – to listen to this hideous monster’s attempts at saving itself.

(Even if there was a chance the Precursor wasn’t lying to his face, or that he would actually tell Hermann and Pentecost the truth about the future kaiju attacks, Hermann still wouldn’t trade a bunch of information for Newton’s sanity. Not _ever_ ).

“I think you’re lying”, Hermann said, a new sense of determination finding its way into his tone. He glared down at the creature possessing Newton’s body with a stern, impassive look. “I think you know that the ECT sessions are going to rid Newton’s brain of you, and you are desperately clinging to any slight thread of hope you can in order to save yourself. I think you are a monster that has no boundaries as to what to do to ensure your existence, whether it is invading and destroying innocent worlds or invading and destroying an innocent _mind._ And I am going to do everything in my power to stop you from doing that”.

“Even if it kills you?”, the creature snickered with disdain, which made Hermann’s blood boil. He took a step towards it, mouthguard held in a tight grip.

“Yes”, he spat out, tilting his chin upwards in defiance.

“And what if it kills _him_?”, he raised an eyebrow, looking pleased. A sickening smile appeared on Newton’s lips, not quite reaching his eyes. Hermann swallowed dry, but continued to stare down at the creature with an impassive face and unfaltering balance. It was so odd, talking to Newton when he knew it was someone else using his voice. He looked nothing like the stubborn, lively biologist Hermann used to share a lab with all those years ago. As much as he tried to convince himself that the real Newton was still in there somewhere, he couldn’t recognize him anymore. And the creature _knew_ it. “We both know that ECT isn’t meant to be done on a daily basis, especially not on someone like him”, the creature argued, and Hermann was forced to swallow dry again. “And we both know what the long-term effects are. You are trying to convince yourself so hard that he can be saved, but you know it’s too late”, he smirked. “ _You_ are too late. Even if you do get me out, he will never, _ever_ be the same Newt you knew and loved. Maybe if you had gotten here about… 10 years ago, who knows”, he shrugged. “But you couldn’t really be bothered to, could you, Herms? All the _resentment_ because you two were separated after the war, because he _left_ , but you never bothered to ask him to stay, so why should he? All the suppressed feelings and the smothered emotions and the _fear_ , right?”, he taunted. Hermann had to close his eyes for a brief couple of seconds as if not to lose his temper. His hand holding the cane and supporting his weight began to tremble, and he focused all his attention on keeping his cool. “And deep down inside, you know this is all your fault. You know that this would have never happened, none of this, if only you hadn’t basically _dared_ him to drift with that first kaiju brain all those years ago. And this could have at least been prevented, if only you had bothered to look for him at some point in those ten past years”, he pointed out with a victorious, scornful smirk, knowing that he had gotten to Hermann. The mathematician was breathing heavily when he approached the creature and signaled for one of his assistants to hold his mouth open. He could no longer listen to a single one of its words, or he wouldn’t be capable of answering for his actions. “Why try to save a dead man and lose your only chance at contacting the alien race invading you when you can let me be here and answer all the questions you want?”, the creature gave one final attempt, speaking past the assistant’s hands holding his mouth open with a muffled voice, and Hermann finally snapped.

“Because”, he said, his face hovering very closely above Newton’s. The pain on his leg became a simple background ache as he leant down upon the creature, anger and frustration barely disguisable in his tone anymore. “You are a vile, unscrupulous monster who would never make such a proposition unless you _knew_ that your days controlling my friend’s mind are near to an end”. He shoved the mouthguard past Newton’s lips before the creature had a chance to respond, and promptly added: “And because Newton _isn’t dead_ ”.

Just like on the previous session, the creature struggled and gave muffled screams while Hermann spread the conductive gel on his forehead and temples and glued the electrodes to his skin. Though it wasn’t exactly safe to run the procedure on Newton while concussed, Hermann found himself with no other choice, and his assistants removed the strap binding his head to the back of the chair just before Hermann turned on the equipment. Like on the previous day, Newton immediately went still, eyes squeezing shut to form an expression of pure agony and limbs rattling pitifully while he convulsed. And like on the previous day, Hermann took notes of the duration of the seizure and removed the mouthguard from Newton once the convulsions ended, doing everything in his power to assure that his friend would be as comfortable as possible, given his current condition, once he woke up.

When he noticed Newton was starting to regain his senses, he waved the assistants off the room and carefully grabbed a small bag he had brought with him to this session. When Newton blinked his eyes open, looking around in confusion with an unfocused gaze, Hermann opened the bag and retrieved a pair of glasses from inside it.

Back when they shared at lab at Shatterdome, Newton would always manage to get himself into all different kinds of accidents. Whether it was during his kaiju experimentations or simply during his free time around the ‘Dome, he would always manage to get himself in trouble and, consequentially, get his glasses broken in 9 out of 10 of this situations. He actually broke his glasses so many time that Hermann suggested, as a joke, that Newton had several glasses ordered at once, so that when one broke, he wouldn’t have to wait for the next one to be fabricated. He hadn’t really expected Newton to take his advice seriously, and so was comprehensibly surprised when Newton strolled into the lab one day, carrying a box with at least fifteen pairs of identical glasses. The only explanation Hermann got was an excited “Your idea was amazing, dude!” and an uninvited pat on the back from Newton.

Back in the day, he had dreaded the amount of physical contact Newton would make with him. Always patting, prodding and poking without any consent or invitation. Now that he thinks back at it, he wishes Newton would pat him, or at least touch him in a way that didn’t involve attempted murder. Taking a hand to the still fading bruises around his neck and sighing, he took a step closer to Newton, who still looked very confused and disoriented. Without further ado, Hermann took the glasses he was holding – which he had kept as some sort of souvenir when Newton left for the States after the war, even though he had never showed it or talked about it to anyone – and placed it on Newton’s face, watching with little satisfaction the way his friend’s face relaxed.

“You found my glasses”, Newton said simply, and if the words sounded a little bit too slurred for Hermann’s liking, he didn’t comment on it. His friend sounded relieved, and the thought that he had managed to grant Newton a few moments of peace, even if they wouldn’t last long, made Hermann feel a little better about this whole situation.

“Yes, well, let’s be thankful that you were sloppy enough to leave this one and several others behind when you left”, Hermann said, hoping that Newton would catch on his teasing tone. Newton laughed – actually _laughed_ , how long had it been since Hermann last heard that sound? –, but soon winced in pain at the effort. Hermann’s blossoming smile withered before it could grow.

“Ouch”, Newton complained, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before blinking them open again. He looked familiarly ludicrous, making exaggerated faces and squinting his eyes. Hermann would have laughed at the sight, remembering the days in which Newton would make faces and complain about any minor inconvenience back at their shared lab, but seeing his friend tied up and possessed made the memory feel more bitter than anything. “God, my head hurts. _Jesus_ ”, he hissed. “What kind of fucked up hangover is this?”, he asked, sounding almost hysterical.

“This isn’t a hangover, Newton”, Hermann took another step closer to his friend, hand gripping his cane so tightly that the knuckles went white. He hated the way his voice ended up sounding more grievous than he had intended. “I’m going to need you to take a deep breath and tell me what’s the last thing you remember”, he said with an unusual softness in his voice; even more unusual directed towards Newton. They couldn’t waste any more time. Newton narrowed his eyes and frowned in confusion, but soon enough his face dropped and he stared at Hermann with what seemed to be embarrassment.

“Oh, shit. I puked on you, didn’t I?”, he said, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry, dude. I really didn’t mean to”, he grimaced, embarrassed.

“You did puke, but it wasn’t on me”, Hermann rolled his eyes and huffed out an annoyed breath. How Newton-esque it was to immediately avert a serious subject in order to talk utter gibberish. “Now could you please concentrate on my question?”

“Well, the last thing I remember is puking”, Newton said, almost too defensively. “And… Well…”, he frowned again, apparently only then noticing the bindings around his arms and ankles. “Oh. I remember this, too”, he said, almost curious, but then a frown appeared on his brow and he looked around, apparently remembering his previous conversation with Hermann. “Oh no”, he muttered under his breath. Instinctively, Newton tried to pull against his restraints like he had done on the previous day, once again hissing in pain as the metal scrapped against his already bruised wrists. He jolted on his seat, but where the Precursor’s jolts were vicious and angry, Newton’s jolts were anxious and desperate to escape. The Precursor was like a wild, trapped creature desperate to escape and wreak havoc, whereas Newton was like a frightened, captured animal desperate to protect himself. Hermann finally closed the remaining distance between and held a hand to Newton’s shoulder, trying to calm him down and offer him comfort at the same time without being too personal. He didn’t know how Newton could react to his advances.

“Newton”, he said seriously, more seriously than he had ever sounded in his whole life. “For once, listen to me. We don’t have much time. I need you to tell me where the kaiju brain you have been drifting with is”, he tried not to sigh at the way Newton’s face paled even more at this.

“W-what?”, Newton asked, beginning to shake. His eyes were wide and fearful as he stared up at Hermann.

“I know you have been drifting with a kaiju brain for years now, Newton, and I need you to tell me where it is”, Hermann instructed, squeezing Newton’s shoulder to make his point clear. Newton’s chin wobbled and Hermann couldn’t tell if it was because he was trying to find the words and couldn’t, or because the rest of his body was trembling as well.

“I… I…”, Newton swallowed dry, eyes filling with tears. He squeezed them shut and shook his head, looking like he was in pain. He grunted and hissed before saying: “I can’t. I can’t tell you”.

“Why not?”, Hermann asked, urgent.

“I can’t”, Newton repeated, eyes tightly shut, shaking his head franticly as if arguing mentally with himself. “I can’t, she won’t let me, she can’t let me”.

“Who is she, Newton?”, Hermann urged, desperate to get any information he could from Newton before the Precursor took over again. He didn’t know how much time he had until that happened – just one session wasn’t enough to chart the amount of time he had with the real Newton.

“S-s-she’s g-going to hurt m-m-me if I tell you, d-don’t make me tell you, p-p-please, Hermann”, Newton stuttered, sounding like he was on the verge of hyperventilation. There were fresh tears streaming down his unhealthily pale cheeks and his face was scrunched up as if in tremendous pain and fear. Then suddenly, his eyes shot wide open and he was staring at Hermann’s neck with a mixture of horror and disgust. Hermann felt very self-conscious, but before he could do anything, Newton huffed out a shaky breath and asked, voice breaking: “Who d-did that to y-you?”

Hermann swallowed dry once again. Knowing that if he told Newton about the true nature of the hand-printed bruises around his neck he would only contribute to his friend’s guilt, he opted to avert the question.

“It’s not important right now, Newton”, Hermann sighed, using the same tone he would use when speaking to a particularly stubborn child. In fact, it was the same tone he always used with Newton whenever he was being ridiculous or let Kaiju pieces fall to his side of the lab. “What matters right now is that you _please_ tell me what I need to know. It is very important, and I assure you that no harm shall come to you once you do”.

“It was me, wasn’t it?”, Newton asked, terror making his voice break and his lower lip quiver as he stared up at Hermann with wide, guilty eyes. “I was the one who did it, wasn’t it?”. Upon Hermann’s selective silence, Newton jolted on the chair again, yanking at his restraints and startling Hermann with his sudden movement. “Tell me!”, he shouted, demanding. He looked as manic and troubled as Hermann had ever seen him, and yet as loud as ever, but in a negative way.

“You need to calm down”, Hermann instructed, once again avoiding the question and letting go of his cane so that he could hold Newton’s other shoulder. His leg throbbed and protested, but he didn’t let go of his friend. “You wouldn’t want to be sick again, would you?”, he asked patiently, doing his best to sound calmer than he felt.

“I remember doing it”, Newton said, shaking his head and looking so utterly miserable and helpless that Hermann wanted nothing more than to envelop him in a tight hug. “I remember. I’m sorry, Hermann. I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t, I… I couldn’t help it… I’m not strong enough, and they got in my head, and I couldn’t help it Hermann, I swear I tried, but I’m weak, I’m weak and pathetic and it was pointless to fight back against them… Against me…”, he started to hyperventilate again.

“Newton”, Hermann called, soft. “Newton, look at me. That’s right, look at me”, he instructed, tilting Newton’s chin so that the man could face him. “You are neither weak, nor pathetic, and you are definitely stronger than you think you are. What I am doing is trying to help you fight back against them, but I can’t do that unless you tell me where the kaiju brain is”.

“Oh god”, Newton continued, completely ignoring Hermann’s words and staring out at the distance with a lost, guilty look on his face. “If I went as far as d-doing this to you, then Mako…”, he trailed off, once again finding Hermann’s eyes. There was a pleading there, a frantic search for any spark of hope Hermann could offer him. “Please, tell me that M-Mako is ok. Tell me that I didn’t kill Mako, Hermann”, he begged. Hermann felt a familiar tightness in his chest.

“You need to take deep breaths and calm yourself”, Hermann instructed, and he hoped Newton didn’t notice how constricted his voice sounded as he spoke the words. “And you need to answer my questions, Newton. That is the only way I can help you now, I’m afraid”.

“Tell me that I didn’t kill her, Hermann”, he continued to beg, tears streaming down his face and damping the lenses of his newfound glasses. “Tell me that she’s ok and that I didn’t do what I think I did, tell me that she’s alive and that I didn’t _fucking kill my fucking friend_!”, he shouted so loudly that it almost hurt Hermann’s eardrums, growing more frantic and desperate with each word. He pointed every curse with a yank of his limbs against the restraints binding him to the chair, beginning to sound and look more like the Precursor in his head than himself. Hermann panicked, afraid that his time with the real Newton was running out.

“Calm _down_ , man!”, Hermann shouted, shaking at his friend’s shoulders slightly, but Newton began to scream, in a very hysterical and Newton-like way. He was shaking his head from side to side, madly attempting to free himself from the chair and very possibly hurting himself in the process. “Newton, I will be forced to sedate you unless you calm down! Tell me where the brain is!”, he asked.

“I can’t, she won’t let me, she doesn’t let me!”, he continued to scream, yanking and pulling at his restraints like a mad man.

“Who is _she_ , Newton?”, Hermann shouted.

“Alice!”, Newton shouted back, panting and looking angry for the briefest of moments before his face fell and became completely slack and devoid of emotion. It was like he had been unplugged from whatever battery that had been powering his anger fit, or almost as if he had come to a sudden realization. He stared off at the distance, eyes glassy and unfocused, and a slight frown appeared on his face, making him look almost worried, before a small “oh shit” escaped his lips. Blood immediately started oozing from both of Newton’s nostrils and, before Hermann could even process what was happening to him, Newton’s eyes rolled until all that could be seen were the whites and his head dropped back against the chair rest. To Hermann’s horror and surprise, Newton passed out, and even though it was heartbreaking to see his friend like that, at least this session had managed to be longer than the previous one.

And at least now, Hermann had a lead.

He called the medical team back into the room and gave them meticulous orders as to how to better tend to Newton and to see that his nosebleed and wrists were taken care of. Usually, he would have ensured Newton’s wellbeing himself, especially after such a fit, but he had to report to Pentecost and Lambert _immediately_. Every second they wasted was a liability, and Hermann would be damned if he allowed those Precursors to own Newton’s brain for any longer. Before Newton – or the Precursor possessing him – regained consciousness, Hermann grabbed his cane from where it was lying forgotten on the ground and marched out of the room as fast as his pain allowed him to.

 

 

 

As soon as he marched into the conference room, Pentecost and Lambert stood up with knowing looks on their faces. Hermann didn’t have to wait for them to say anything to know that they had watched his session with Newton, and yet, he couldn’t help but to blurt out:

“Sir, I may have a lead on –“

Before he could continue, however, Lambert cut him off with a raise of his hand as he immediately started to speak.

“We know. While you were in there with Geiszler, we got word from the team investigating him. Turns out he talked about an Alice to a lot of people, but no one ever saw her, knew her or met her, not even the doorman of his building. I sent in a team to search his apartment, but I think we already know what they’ll find there”.

“A big, juicy kaiju brain”, Pentecost crossed his arms above his chest, shaking his head. “Remind me of why we hadn’t checked his apartment before?”, he added, giving Lambert a quizzical, almost judging look.

“We had”, Hermann said, walking further into the room and allowing himself to drop on one of the chairs closest to him. His leg was throbbing terribly now that the adrenaline in his system was starting to wear off, but he did his best to ignore it. “Newton may look like an idiot, but as much as I would never admit it in front of him, he isn’t one. He probably kept the brain very well hidden, and since none of us expected that he would actually be stupid enough to keep a literal kaiju body part inside of his apartment, of all places, the researches there weren’t too thorough with their investigation”, he explained. Pentecost scoffed.

“So, is he stupid or idiot? I got a little lost over here”, he said, but Lambert gave him an eye roll accompanied by a sigh and Hermann directed him with a small glare.

“So what do we do when the brain is brought in?”, Lambert asked, leaning forwards and placing his hands on the desk in front of Hermann. “Can it help Dr. Geiszler?”

Hermann stared off at the distance for a few moments, lost in deep thought. When he turned back to look at Lambert, there was a gloomy, serious look on his face.

“I believe the best course of action now would be to eliminate the evil in its root”, he said. The pair stared at him for a long time.

“You mean killing the kaiju brain?”, Pentecost asked, as if that was the most obvious solution in their hands.

“Yes”, Hermann nodded solemnly, not meeting any of their eyes. “This won’t be enough to fully restore Newton’s mind, of course; that will take a lot of hard work and perhaps more aid than I am able to provide, but I do believe that killing the kaiju brain during a drift would be the most efficient step at this moment”.

“Wait, wait, wait”, Pentecost interrupted, looking suspicious. “During a drift? What do you mean ‘during a drift’?”

“You want Geiszler to drift with that thing again?”, Lambert asked, disbelief evident in his tone of voice. He was staring at Hermann as if he was a mad man, but the scientist stood his ground, holding his cane tightly and adjusting himself uncomfortably on his seat before responding.

“Newton has been drifting with the same kaiju brain for ten years, probably on a weekly or daily basis”, he explained patiently, but his grip on his cane was as tight as ever. “There is very little research on the mental effects that such a long-termed neural connection could cause, and no research at all on human-kaiju neural connections. Newton hasn’t drifted with any kaiju ever since we captured him, and yet the Precursors still have a strong control of his mind. I have contacted and reached out for all of the xenobiologists with specialization on the kaiju that I know, but unfortunately, none of them could offer much help. I’m afraid that Newton is still the leading researcher on this field, but he is not exactly in the best position to help me at this moment”, he added bitterly. Pentecost and Lambert watched him with close attention, but they both still looked very unsure about what Hermann was suggesting. The scientist sighed, lowering his head for a moment before continuing. “I did contact some experts on neural connections and the physical and psychological effects of drifting, however. And, even though they had no experience with Newton’s situation, they all agreed that the best course of action would be to abruptly interrupt the neural connection, even with the side-effects that may cause”.

“Which would be…?”, Lambert raised an eyebrow. Hermann sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment and swallowing dry.

“Trauma. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Brain damage. Loss of identity of self. Amongst others. Nothing that Newton isn’t suffering from already”, Hermann argued, not meeting any of his superiors’ eyes. “Just killing the kaiju brain wouldn’t be enough to rid Newton’s mind of the Precursors. If that was the case, simply keeping him from drifting with the brain would have weakened their hold on Newton’s mind, and we know for a fact that is not happening. Newton has been drifting with that… thing, for a decade now. The Precursors are already embedded to his brain. Killing the kaiju brain while it drifts with Newton, however, will create an abrupt and permanent rupture on their neural connection. Of course, Newton won’t be fully recovered as soon as the brain dies, but I have reason to believe that, with patience and an appropriate amount of ECT and therapy, he might return to his senses overtime”.

The two men shared a wary glance amongst themselves before staring down at Hermann, who had finally raised his head and was looking at them with almost defiance in his eyes. Pentecost looked like he wanted to disagree with Hermann but didn’t have enough knowledge on neural connections to do so, whereas Lambert looked like he thought that was a terrible idea but lacked a better one to suggest. Hermann took in a deep breath and exhaled through his nose, aware that losing his temper in front of his superiors could jeopardize his plan for Newton’s recovery.

“This is the only way to help him”, he added when none of the man said anything. “His case is very specific and unprecedented. The only solutions I can offer are theoretical, since there is no previous research on this area, but I am quite certain that this is the best, if not the only, course of action”.

Lambert nodded solemnly, biting at his lower lip and not looking at Hermann. Pentecost was looking at the scientist with an unreadable expression, but he didn’t look like he was about to object Hermann’s plan.

“I will let you know when our guys have the kaiju brain”, Lambert said, stepping away from the desk. Hermann nodded, trying to express as much gratitude as he could in that gesture, and stood up from the chair with difficulty. He was thankful that none of the men offered him help as he did so – he would like to keep what was left of his dignity. His leg throbbed with more intensity than he was used to, but he knew he was the only one to blame for that – he shouldn’t have let go of his cane or leant so much weight on his leg back at Newton’s cell. Trying to mask the pain he was feeling under a stern face, Hermann leant his weight more heavily on his aid and nodded at his superiors.

“Thank you”, he said, trying to ignore the way his voice sounded more emotional than he had intended. He knew that, had this been any other team, Newton would be long dead. But this – this, even with all the new people that Hermann didn’t know, with the knew team he wasn’t quite acquainted with, with the throbbing, aching lack of Newton by his side, this was some sort of home for him. He was more grateful than he could express with words that they were allowing him to help Newton, when anyone else would simply ignore them both – Newton, for everything that he had done, despite of not being in control of himself, and Hermann, for even thinking about helping the man who had almost destroyed the planet.

The two men acknowledged his gratefulness with a silent nod and Hermann turned to leave the room, hoping they wouldn’t notice the way he was more hunched than usual because of his pain. As he pulled the door open to leave, however, planning to stop by at the containment room to check on Newton’s state before he could go back to his dorm, Lambert called him with an urgent “Doctor Gottlieb”. He turned back, looking at the man who had his arms crossed above his chest and a serious look on his face.

“Try to get some sleep”, he said, and even though it sounded like an order, there was a slight hint of concern on Lambert’s tone. “You’re looking worn out”.

Hermann blinked in surprise at the words, wondering if he was really looking bad enough for his superiors to notice it. He nodded, even though he had no intentions to comply to Lambert’s order, and left the room, heading to his quarters. As much as he wanted to check on Newton on that moment, he knew he wouldn’t be able to walk all the way back to the containment room before taking some pain killers for his leg. Once he entered his room, Hermann sat down very carefully at the edge of his bed, minding his throbbing limb and reaching for his drawer with trembling hands. He closed his hand around the familiar bottle and drew two pills to the palm of his hand, shoving them on his mouth and swallowing them down with the aid of a forgotten glass of water sitting by bedside. His hands were shaking so hard that he ended up spilling water everywhere, and Hermann acknowledged that as an effect of the adrenaline wearing off his system. His plan had been to go back to his room, take the pain killers and then go back to Newton, but now, as he sat uncomfortably at the edge of the bed and waited for the pills to take effect, the idea of standing up seemed improbable, if not impossible. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on anything other than the pain, telling himself that he would just wait until it faded enough for him to walk without feeling like he would fall over. He would just have to wait a little bit more until he could get back to Newton and take a look at the progression of his chart, just until the pain subdued once the pain killers took effect, just a bit more…

He woke up with a jolt, not even remembering falling asleep in the first place. _Damn it_. As Hermann turned his head to look at the clock hanging from his wall, he noticed the presence of an artificial white light entering his room from the hallway, and found Pentecost standing by his open door, leaning against the metallic doorframe and staring at him with a quizzical look. Hermann blinked several times, trying to get his eyes used to the brightness and cursing himself for sleeping when he could have used the time to put more effort into helping Newton. He sat up from the uncomfortable position he had ended up lying on the bed, noticing that even though his leg was still a bit achy, the pain was no longer as unbearable as it had been before.

“Is Newton ok?”, Hermann asked, voice rough from sleepiness and the dryness of his throat. He reached for his cane, ready to stand up and assist Pentecost in whatever it was he needed. His heart skipped a beat at the thought that something bad could have happened to Newton while he was peacefully sleeping on his bed. Why else would Pentecost be there?

“As well as he can be”, the boy shrugged. “I’m here to tell you that our team found the kaiju brain. It’s already here at the base”.

Hermann took in a deep breath despite of himself, leaning on his cane as he stood up from the bed and regained his balance. He tidied his crumpled clothes as well as he could, even though he would have preferred to change into new ones, and marched his way to where Pentecost was standing as still as a statue. He stared at the man for several silent moments, finally realizing how similar – and how different – the boy was from his father. It was clear that there was an unspoken tension lingering in the air, as if Pentecost wanted to tell him something, but didn’t know how to do so. Instead of walking out of the room, Hermann patiently waited, staring up at Pentecost with expectation.

“Are you sure this won’t make Geiszler worse?”, he eventually asked, and if the doubt hadn’t been evident in his voice, it was so in his eyes. He looked apprehensive, and Hermann couldn’t exactly blame him for that. Newton’s drifts with the kaiju brain had been the reason, after all, for Mako’s death.

“Science does not offer concrete results unless there is experimentation first”, Hermann said, keeping a stern and yet respectful tone. “Since there has been no experimentation with anything similar to Newton’s case before, I can do nothing but theorize, and hope that my theory turns out to be right once I put it into action”.

“So you’re saying there _is_ a chance he’ll turn out worse?”, Pentecost raised an eyebrow. Hermann swallowed dry and lowered his head for a moment before looking back up at Jake.

“There is always a chance biological procedures will go awry”, he argued. “Humans are unpredictable. Numbers, on the other hand, are concrete. They are certain. Which is why I specialized on them”, he added, a hint of bitterness in his tone. “Newton was the one who understood of biology. Since his input on this regard cannot be exactly trusted right now, I’m afraid I am all you have at the given moment”.

“So what you mean is –“

“I _mean_ that, since Newton is a person, and not a machine, there is always a chance the procedure won’t go as planned”, Hermann interrupted, feeling slightly annoyed by Pentecost’s insistence at second-guessing him, but trying his best not to sound disrespectful. “But I am fairly certain that this is the best way to aid him back to his full mental health. Or rather, the _only_ way”, he added decisively, repeating the words he had said hours before.

Pentecost regarded him for several moments, saying nothing but eyeing Hermann as if he was trying to decide whether he should trust him or not. Hermann simply stared back, equally silent, standing his ground and not giving in to Pentecost’s heavy stare. Eventually, the man sighed and dropped his shoulders in resignation, stepping to the side so that Hermann could walk past him and out of the room.

“Let’s get to work, then, doc”, he said, gesturing for Hermann to lead the way. Hermann nodded and exited the room, not looking back to see if Pentecost was following him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for taking so long to post this chapter. If I'm being honest, I really didn't expect that this many people would like the story, so I wasn't really planning on writing an update so soon. I'll try to be faster with the future chapters, though! Thank you very much to everyone who read and liked this story, and I'm sending my special love to those who took some time to comment ♥

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work for the Pacific Rim fandom, so I hope it turned out ok!  
> The ending of Uprising bothered me too much to stay quiet about it, and this is the result. Newt deserves redeption!  
> Thank you so much for reading this! Kudos and comments are highly appreciated, and so is constructive criticism!  
> You can always find me on tumblr as edema--ruh and on twitter as @girltaire.


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